joshua_alan

A single thread
extends
from then to now 
You are alive

T.S Eliot whimper
Big bang no-show
Moribund stagger,
stop

C'mere, Glaucon

I felt the blood in my veins
I found a place on the shelf
I fell in love with your name
A mere reflection of self

I never knew you were there
But for the feel of your skin
I never knew you were there
Where no light could get in

So maybe whisper a word
And burn a moth in the flame
Or lead a beast from the herd
And leave your dust in its mane

and you can see,
if the lighting is right,
self-spun fears feed 

and what happens
happens 
and the spiral is easy 
and goes up or down
 

 


Don't let grubby fingers
spoil your shape;
hold them like your own
Love them
Make your music 
Be
                 

Five years 
Four countries
-can't really count Mexican border towns
I do better drifting
The soul grumbles
A snake eats it's tail
Whatever
 
Lofty references 
What are those two talking about?
Philosopher kings and 'ologies 
Ho hum...
It's endearing 
I'm aloof, detached
Quiet

Unrealized potential
Yadda yadda and so forth

She does not exist
Go to sleep.

Coming home
to stained carpets
and unfed pets...
He preferred other houses 

As the moss spread,
he learned to disappear,
like you,
into a warm, soft place
of invisible razors 

And
as winter trumped autumn,
setting frost on dead leaves,
he cast aside sweetness
for fantasy and regret

Dissonance
misunderstanding
Crooked bones 
hold our meat

Imperfection is holy

It was a short autumn
and I saw my own corruption
in the crease of your mouth

I wish you well.

 

With all this space...  
When I get like this 
jammed, plugged  
I wanna shake old wounds 
and taste mildew

Special people,  
base impulse monkeys 
manipulate 
into my spectrum 
all their sadness
Love 'em
Help 'em
Forgive 'em 
God bless 'em 
but maybe no God 
or maybe yes 
but indifferent 
or sad-
hiding in his apartment 
eating hotdogs,
smoking Drum tobacco,
sayin' "fuck these kids" 

Sometimes 
I'd be dead 
maybe married 
to a monster 
or loved like crazy
by a figment realized 
Who knows?
 
Black blur asphalt 
brand new town 
ain't moving me   
toward or away from
elusive you 

Myriad mess upstairs 
what I's going for is peace 
love 
understanding 
serene me please 

So swap freedom for freedom 
chains for chains 
bad for bad 
and pretty 
and ugly 
and painful   
and i think there's a better word 

You don't want this damaged man  
I've got scars that my clothes obscure 
Open bottle invisible 

I am a garbageman
 or a camera

A costume becomes us
determines course 
sits on our stomachs
as we waste away 
or vanish in a flash 
with maybe dear loved ones
or maybe no love
no tender goodbyes 
no tears but our own 
dead 
cold 
unfulfilled
without  
empty
disappeared.

This is not at all
Interesting or special
I have to work now

Tomorrow, perhaps
I will write a sestina
Today I am blank

Sharp anxiety
Starts in my toes and moves up
Caffeine does not help

The winter wind
Has dragged my friend
Down into the basement

Morning means midnight
Nostalgia, fog -

Shoulda left home at twelve,
had a kid at fourteen,
found a factory job.
Maybe plastic injection molding
or putting gaskets in a box.

Sharp pains in liver, 
shortness of breath,
disappointment, death.

Free me from ego
I am just a sack of meat
Free me from ego

Someone taught that girl to lie
Someone tricked that foolish boy
Someone rolled them in a rug
Someone fed their fever
 
Someone gave that boy a gun 
Someone tricked that foolish girl
Someone bled into a cup
Someone fed their fever 

 

Free me from ego
I am just a grain of sand
Free me from ego

First step start stuck
Hung wire mire muck
Drunk dial drunk fuck
Forget it

Glass shard hard luck
Sad sack soft suck
Dead burn dead duck
Forget it

I want my money
My motherfuckin' paycheck
I might eat my shoes